Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Fat Fish Race #4 Muddy Mountain Madness

Muddy Mountain Madness

Wondrous Wyoming Fact #31: Have you ever considered the simple paperclip? No? Well maybe because they’re not at all simple. Countless research hours and academic papers are behind this marvel. Few know this but located deep beneath the single track on Muddy Mountain lies a secret government research facility called the "Muddy Mountain Secret Paperclip Research Facility and Cowbell Emporium" but more affectionately referred to as the "Muddy Mountain Secret Paperclip Research Facility and Cowbell Emporium". Working there are over 250 scientists and engineers perfecting the technology of holding papers together for the betterment of the free world. Also there’s Bob. Bob and his three legged pig like to run through the facility sneaking up on and shaking cowbells behind unsuspecting scientists and engineers which probably explains why there’s been little if any improvements to the technology. These guys are nervous wrecks and Bob is maddening. Which brings me to my point, this coming Monday, July 11 is Fat Fish’s Muddy Mountain Madness Bike Race (and Cowbell Concert)!

Parking: Parking is tough up there. Most of the good spots are reserved for the paperclip engineers and Bob’s extensive antique car collection. So, drive south past the gazebo and campsite and pull off the road being as gentle as possible with the fauna and flora of that ecosystem. Carpooling is always encouraged. You should roll your windows up too. I don’t know how that dusty anticline got named Muddy Mountain.

Registration: Hopefully by now, you’ve all registered online at (go to Sign Up if you haven’t registered yet) . Bring only your number bib to the registration table to get scanned. After that, please exit the registration area, we’ve been having problems with other chips getting too close to the bib being scanned and it tends to nuke everything and we have to start over. Our apologies for any delays but we’re still learning. Attach your bib to the front of your bike and get ready rumble! Also, put your helmet on, no helmet, no rumble (or race).

Course and Start Times:
Kids Race: Once again, no wagering or handicapping. It’s been brought to my attention that some have even contacted bookies in the Las Vegas area. Come on people! We’d like to start the Kids Race at around 6:20 so we can start the “adult” (i.e. large kids) races as close to 6:30 as possible.

The Expert Category will race two 6 mile loops while the fiery eyed Competitive racers will do one 6 mile loop plus one 4 mile loop (just in case they start feeling too big for their britches).
Sport and Recreation racers will have a totally different lap lasting about 4 miles, Rec racers doing 1 lap while the wiley Sport racers get 2 laps.
All distances subject to change. Just like my bike shorts, sometimes I change them between races, sometimes not. TMI? You write this stuff then.

Food: If you can catch a squirrel think twice before consuming it. They’re loaded with cholesterol. No really, most squirrels suffer from heart disease. Instead, bring some dinero and enjoy a tasty morsel from our friends at Subway.

Please take time to thank our sponsors! Mention my name. They think it’s funny to look puzzled and say, “Who?” My Mom does the same thing. Hilarious.

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